How Ignorant Are Non-Italians
by eleanoralovesananias
Summary: Italy is one of the most superstitious countries in the world, rivaling even our old Iggy over here. What happens when Germany accidentally jinxes his friend? How offended will Italy be? And is Romano manipulative enough to take advantage of this misunderstanding? Rated T for mild sexual themes, but mostly because I'm paranoid. I even bleeped out Romano.


Italy cheerfully skipped into Germany's office, tomato sauce smeared across his face. "Hi, Doitsu!" he smiled.

Germany glanced up. There were lines of frustration across his forehead; the enormous pile of cuckoo clocks on his desk told the whole story. He sighed and forced a smile. "Hello, Italy. By the way, I got tired of the mess in your room and cleaned it. I even bought you new sheets to replace the ones that were covered in pasta stains."  
Italy smiled wider. "Thanks, Doitsu! I'm going to my room now!" And he skipped off, leaving Germany to his worst nightmare.  
Italy entered his room, sighing with happiness. Then he saw his room. He froze. His eyes traveled from one thing to another. A hat on the bed... a picture of Gilbird that Prussia had obviously picked out... the bed, facing the doorway... and purple sheets. The purple sheets clinched it.  
"AAAAAASFIGASFIGASFIGASFIGA!" shrieked Italy, simultaneously grabbing his crotch and the little ****cornicelli**** amulet he wore around his neck.  
Germany came around the corner, looking worried. "What happened, Italy?" Seeing his friend standing there in the doorway, looking terrified, with his hand on his pants, the nation blinked in surprise - and then he couldn't help it. Italy just looked so ridiculous. He burst into laughter.

_The following scene is censored._

"Romanooooo!" Romano looked up. Barreling towards with a look of hurt and fear on his face, was his brother.  
"What do you want?" he asked rudely. He was a little worried, though he covered it up with fake anger. His brother had something red on his face... probably just tomato sauce. Still, what was wrong? And where was that potato *******?  
"You won't believe what Germany did to me!" cried Veneziano.  
"Oh, I can believe it," Romano muttered under his breath. Out loud, he asked, "What did he do?"  
"He rearranged my room! And he left a hat on the bed, and put up a picture of a bird, and turned the bed so that it faced the doorway, and bought me purple sheets, and he did this all on a _Tuesday_! And then he laughed at me!" Italy stopped for a second, a worried look appearing on his face. "Do you think he did it on purpose?"  
Romano shook his head. "No, he's just ignor-" Romano stopped suddenly, realizing what he was saying. "Actually," the nation corrected hastily, "you know what, he probably _did_ do it on purpose. You should come live with me and Spain!"  
Italy looked hurt. "He did it on purpose? You know what, maybe I _will _come live with you! In fact, I'm going to go pack my bags! I'm not living with someone who makes fun of the malacchio!" And the angry nation stomped off, leaving Romano with a grin on his face.  
"See," he said to himself, "Germans are ignorant. The ******* probably didn't even know what he was doing. Veneziano will be much happier with me and Spain."

Translations: ****sfiga = bad luck****, ****malacchio = Italian evil eye, cornicelli = Devil's Horn****

_Translation of Italy's Actions:_

_Leaving a hat on the bed is considered bad luck in Italy, because when a person is about to die, a priest comes to take their final confession. In so doing, he puts his hat on the dying person's bed. Thus, leaving a hat on the bed means that someone in the house is going to die._

_Birds in the house, whether as a pet (Gilbird, anyone?) or accidentally, is very bad luck. Even pictures of birds or bird feathers can cause death in the household._

_At a funeral, the coffin customarily faces the doorway. Thus it is more bad luck to have your bed facing the door._

_Italy, especially Northern Italy, has a long theatrical tradition. Purple was the color of Lent, a time during which actors would have very little work. Therefore, wearing purple is bad luck, especially if you are going to give a performance or speech. This doesn't actually extend to sheets, but I took a little artistic license. _

_It's bad luck to start a new project on a Tuesday._

_It's common for Italians, especially men, to have a **cornicelli **amulet to ward off bad luck._

_If you do end up in an unlucky situation, grabbing your… um, crotch… will ward it off. If you're a woman, touch a piece of iron._


End file.
